Feeling Stuck in Old Patterns? Schema Therapy Might Be What You Need
Have you ever caught yourself thinking something like:
“I always mess things up.”
“No one really gets me.”
“I care way more in relationships than other people do.”
“If I open up, I’ll get hurt.”
Even if life looks okay on the outside, these kinds of thoughts and feelings can run in the background like a glitchy app you can’t shut off. And even if you know they’re irrational, it’s hard to shake them.
That’s where schema therapy comes in.
As a clinical psychologist who works with many young and older adults, I see this all the time: people who are self-aware, intelligent, and doing the work—but still feel stuck in emotional patterns that just won’t budge. Schema therapy helps you understand why those patterns are there, where they come from, and how to finally shift them.
So… What Is Schema Therapy?
Schema therapy is a deeper kind of talk therapy that focuses on the emotional “scripts” we start writing in childhood—usually without realising it.
These scripts (called schemas) are based on how we interpreted our early experiences. For example, if you felt invisible in your family growing up, you might carry around a deep belief like, “I’m not important.” That belief might still affect how you show up in friendships, at work, or in dating—even if you know it’s not totally true anymore.
Schemas are sneaky. They tend to show up in:
How you treat yourself (self-criticism, burnout, perfectionism)
How you connect with others (people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, fear of abandonment)
The kind of relationships you choose (and why you stay too long in the wrong ones)
What Makes Schema Therapy Different?
Most therapy helps you change your thoughts and behaviours (which is super valuable). Schema therapy goes deeper. It helps you heal the emotional root of the problem.
Here’s how it works:
You figure out your core schemas — the beliefs that were shaped early on (like “I’m unlovable” or “People can’t be trusted”).
You connect the dots — how those beliefs started, how they show up now, and how they mess with your relationships, self-worth, and choices.
You learn to meet your needs — not by avoiding or numbing, but by facing those patterns with curiosity, compassion, and new tools.
You practice new ways of being — ones that are healthier, more grounded, and actually aligned with who you really are (not who you had to be to survive).
It’s like getting an emotional reboot. One that’s built on self-awareness and healing—not just insight.
Who’s Schema Therapy For?
Honestly? A lot of people in their 20s and 30s could benefit from it—especially if you:
Keep ending up in the same kind of toxic relationship (even though you know better)
Feel overly responsible for everyone else’s emotions
Struggle with self-worth, even when things are “going well”
Bounce between feeling numb and emotionally overwhelmed
Feel like no matter how much therapy you’ve done, something deeper still needs work
Schema therapy is often used with people who’ve been through relational trauma or who have big emotions and strong inner critics. But you don’t need a diagnosis to benefit. You just need to be ready to explore your emotional patterns and work on change that actually sticks.
Importantly
You don’t have to stay trapped in old stories that were never really yours to begin with. Schema therapy gives you a way to understand those stories—and rewrite them. It’s not about blaming the past. It’s about healing from it so that you can create something new.
If this resonates, talk to a clinical psychologist such as myself, trained in schema work. Real change doesn’t happen overnight, but it does happen—and it starts with getting to know the parts of you that have been quietly running the show.
You’re not broken. You just have some outdated emotional coding. And you can absolutely rewire it.
